I often submit jokes to the BBC Radio Scotland topical comedy show “Breaking the News”, and although I’ve had some jokes featured (as you can see from my British Comedy Guide profile) I also produce a lot that don’t make it. I thought it might be interesting and helpful to share some of those that don’t make it, along with why I think they might not have made the cut.
Jokes submitted for show first broadcast Friday 11 October 2024
- “Finding the unbroadcast Thunderbirds material was surprising, said the shed’s owners, but not half as surprising as when their house split into two and a rocket ship flew out.”
- I couldn’t work out a way to make this one less wordy, so the punchline doesn’t have a nice rhythm
- “Analysis has found that Labour’s planned restriction on non-dom status is in danger of creating a paradox, as a large number of millionaires are set to move away from Britain despite supposedly not actually living there.”
- In hindsight the bit about a paradox gives too much away too early. Maybe a better version would have been along the lines of “Labour have been surprised about how many non-doms might stop living in Britain if they tighten the tax laws – given those people supposedly didn’t live here in the first place”, but I’m sure this could still be tightened up.
- “A Dutch museum has recovered an artwork that looks like two empty beer cans after a staff member accidentally threw it in the rubbish bin thinking it was trash – when of course it should have been gone in the recycling.”
- Too generic and obvious. The show went for a take that was a newer idea, more specifically linked to Scotland.
- “Following James Cleverley’s unexpected elimination in the final round of voting by MPs, he’s had to seek support from the only two people who know how to help people through shock exits like this – Ant and Dec.”
- Possibly just needs too much to set it up before reaching the punchline.
- “The [horror film about giant midges]’s ending is a closely guarded secret, but it’s rumoured that the heroes will survive when they discover the only defence against the midges: “Skin so soft” cream
- Much too specific knowledge, most people won’t know that on walking trails in Scotland this Avon product is often recommended as midge repellent. Could also be construed as product placement?
Have I correctly identified the problems with these? How do you think I could have improved them to get them on the show? Let me know!
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7 Comments
Rachel Wheeley · October 19, 2024 at 8:10 am
Hi Mike! I love reading jokes, thank you for posting these. Could you post the ones that made it as well? It would be interesting to compare. These are quite long, is there a quicker way to efficiently set up so that the punchline comes sooner. Looking forward to reading some more soon.
Michael Conterio · October 19, 2024 at 8:34 pm
The three I’ve got in previously are:
Definitely clear that those are shorter, especially the edited versions. I have been trying to be more concise but it’s hard – as many people have nearly said, “I would have written a shorter joke, but I didn’t have the time!”
Mike Grace · October 19, 2024 at 7:35 pm
I also tried getting jokes in:
With the Thunderbirds one, I made the implication that the Father, Jeff Tracey – was sure his boys were up to no good – Failure because you have to know Thunderbirds to get the reference.
With the millionaires one – I said that the millionaires are gone, but the billionaires are just arriving.
– It’s political, but it’s not actually funny.
I think I skipped the beercan and Cleverly one because it’s really difficult to make a joke that hasn’t already been made. I try to never use the first joke I get from it – and both were very “Cleverly isn’t” and “Art isn’t”
For the midges: “A teaser trailer has been released for a Scottish horror comedy film about mutant killer midges. The lead singer of Ultravox has said it means nothing to him.”
Booo….It’s an old joke with a twist that only works for those old enough to remember Midge Ure.
To improve yours…
The Thunderbirds one could have gone a few ways – off into Anderson’s other series, marionette jokes, but I think what could have worked is playing into the idea of Team America and having an X rated Thunderbirds found. Tricky to land that without being adult though.
Millionaire jokes are difficult – but with a little foresight – Keir could be driving away all his millionaire cabinet.
For the beer cans, maybe that the artwork was quickly replaced by some passing Celtic fans?
For Cleverly – I’d shift the elimination onto another show – maybe Strictly, maybe Big Brother.
The midge one is still difficult because the joke (film) is already there. Perhaps using the Fast and Furious line of “Midge 2: Midge Harder”
The thing to remember, I think, is that the jokes that I wrote which got through were not the ones I thought were my best. My “best” ones get ignored – perhaps because everyone else sent them in. Having a line that tickles an audience is way better than a “look at how clever a writer I am” joke – even if you enjoy it more. 🙂
Michael Conterio · October 19, 2024 at 8:36 pm
Thanks for your comment Mike! I definitely relate to often feeling that the jokes I got on were not the one’s I liked the best. As you say, it’s what will go down well with the audience that matters.
Paul W Masterman · October 28, 2024 at 12:56 pm
Hello Michael – can you tell me how I can subscribe to your blog?
Michael Conterio · November 4, 2024 at 11:46 am
Hi Paul.
At the moment I think the only way you can subscribe is by adding https://michael.conterio.co.uk/blog/feed to an RSS reader, such as Feedly.
I’ve been looking at making it so you can subscribe to it as an email newsletter, is that what you were thinking of? If so, let me know and I’ll see what I can do.
Michael Conterio · November 4, 2024 at 11:50 am
Actually, I’ve managed to get that set up now. You should be able to add your email in above, just under the post.